dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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