Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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