it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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