remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
