drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
