If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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