my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
