I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
