When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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