...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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