New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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