She is in my trunk
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
