On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
