I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
