Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
