You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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