if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
