i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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