i already hear my dad disowning me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Houston, we have a squirter
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
