I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
