READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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