My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
