Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
