there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
