ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
