Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
