Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
