Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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