why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My penis needs a shock collar
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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