just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do vagina's smell?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
