after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
