So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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