Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
