I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
