I just threw up on my dentist
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
