did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
