I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
