My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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