i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We left an ass print on the piano.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I currently don't understand fingers.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize