We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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