Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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