It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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