I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
