I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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