Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
there is glitter all over my balls
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