apparently the secret to your success is patron
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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