Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
