i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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