Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
