I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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