just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
