I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
