Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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