yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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