so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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