I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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