I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think people are normalizing furries
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
