I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
