i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jerry, you need to find god
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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