did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize