Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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