I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
