we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
