I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize