Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize