my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
