Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
