Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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