Don't you send me to vm
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Found your dick twin last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I did not marry a roomba.
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