Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
