Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you would pick up someone in the library
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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