you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
