Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
