My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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