Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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