hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
