i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize