Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
