I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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