It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
