his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
