Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
