I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize