I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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