you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
