whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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