WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
