I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
