you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
