I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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