OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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