Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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